"A Watched Oven Never Bakes"

I have tried several times today to think of what to write for the week. I actually was about to press "publish post" 3 times but it never seemed right. I guess that is because I was trying to write to a catchy headline rather than what I was really feeling.

I imagined when I graduated with my bachelor's degree that I would quickly move into a stable, well-paying job, have a decent home of my own, and a kid on the way. This week I realize that I am only 1/3 of the way there. It has been a desperate attempt lately to feel succesful in my position at work, and that lack has fed the other of not having the "descent home". However grandios my ideas were about having a house a sizeable income and overall the finer things in life, I am reminded of the preface of and to many wishes - "I will be (add your own adjective) when (add your own goal, desire, wish). Mine was often "I will be happy when this or that happens" - when I have money, when I am graduated, when I land that ideal job. But to no avail life happened! Despite all that I view as having gone wrong, I am hopefully doing one thing right. I have a kid on the way, and I couldn't be happier!

The part of where my headline comes in is this - Next week we find out if our baby is a boy or a girl. Depending on the outcome we get to finally plan out a name for our baby, plan to have it come into the world, and I get more excited everyday that I see Nersey's increasing glow. This is truly a personal blessing for me to have my focus be my family. However, it has seemed like all my life I have been "watching" the preverbial oven bake. I have been so intent on being there to watch things come together, or forcing things to come together that I haven't been able to let them happen on their own. It's been like lifting a plant out of the ground to see if the roots are growing, rather than just trusting that they are. Despite this inspiration, I seem to still be wishing that things came together better than they have, I think I just need to let them happen as they would naturally.

Well, I have rambled on long enough, but what I think I take away from this week is a greater sense that the "oven" I put my life into had better be the right one, because if it is then it will "bake" as it should and things will turn out better and with more peace, than when I find myself sitting at the door hoping for it to be done on my time.